I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
wow bdsm is so cute
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
