So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
