areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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