I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
