you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
