i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
