i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
