There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
