sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
