1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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