rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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