I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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