O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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