i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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