Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
