wrigley field is MILF paradise
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
