we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
