i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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