Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
