i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
