lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
