i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
