you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
