By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
