Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
