This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
