He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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