i think my mom watched the whole time
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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