if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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