You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
