I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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