I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She announced her abortion via fbk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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