i don't like sucking hair
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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