A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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