I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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