i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
