How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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