We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
