I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
