Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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