So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
