I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
