i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
