I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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