epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
my liver is dry heaving
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
