You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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