Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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