Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
