can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
