Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
