you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
