Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
